Sometimes I feel that with tennis I was a victim of a dream, just like thousands before me and many thousands after me. What really were the chances of me becoming a World class Pro tennis player ? Why didn't someone give me a book of odds before I started my ridiculous quest ?
I believe that I was not the only one who ended up mentally scarred from the whole silly idea. What of my poor parents ? I mean that in two respects, I drained their bank accounts for years in my quest to become a professional tennis player with no thought of guilt towards what it was in fact costing them. The mental drain on their minds was also immense as after all surely they also knew that I was chasing a needle in a haystack type of dream.
Perhaps that is why I never encouraged my own children to play more than the seasonal group lessons that their friends participated in at the local tennis club. I never once offered them one on one lessons as I knew the ramifications of improvement. It was as though I was frightened of them becoming good at it. I am certain that with my knowledge on the game that I could have given them some handy skills that could have at least been tested locally, yet I didn't. I am glad I didn't.
I did not want my kids to experience what I did when I was around their age as I knew there was a lot more to life than confining it to a sporting dedication. I liked the idea of team sports for my three because you can share the workload and experience the highs and lows together, unlike tennis.
It is your fault if you lose and it is a feeling of helplessness if you do not achieve a win because most times it will be your head that lets you down and not your shots. It plays on the mind particularly at a young age and it is tough to deal with.
Tennis can affect the mind of a kid outside of a tennis court because the sport asks you so many questions and it is impossible to come up with the correct answers. Tennis is a sport that can drive a sane person insane, no risk.
My parents rode the highs and they rode many lows with me, they felt my pain when I lost and they surely knew what the game was doing to me, it was turning me into someone who had no real grasp on reality. They allowed me to chase a dream and they funded that dream yet surely they knew the odds that are so well documented now these days. Back when I was a starry- eyed kid I had no idea and basically believed that I was THE ONE.
I was naïve enough to believe that my game had enough substance to break through the packs of players who all had the same dream and better shots than I did. Was it pure ignorance on my behalf ? Was I simply afraid of main stream society where real people had real jobs and received a real pay cheque at the end of it all ? Most probably.
I was a victim of something I refer to as 'Head up one's own arse syndrome', that was me in a nutshell. I was a selfish minded kid who hated school work and who was looking for another way out of the real World of robotic like behaviour. I was one of the dumbest guys at school because when I was there I simply dreamed about tennis, school work was not a priority. I left most days at lunchtime to go and play tennis, that's not a way to gain intelligence in life.
I used to watch Borg play at Wimbledon and it was like watching a Rock Star mesmerise a crowd of adoring fans. Borg was the reason I picked up a racket, I wanted to be like him as he was larger than life. I read his book when I was 12 and I made up my mind that the lifestyle he lead was one that I dreamed of replicating.
Tennis offers wealth, stardom, immortality of the mind, it offers a lifestyle that we see right before our eyes when we watch the sport on television. Marat Safin took it to a whole new level one year at the Australian Open where his 'team' up in the stands was a bevy of beauties who he apparently was 'hiring' for the fortnight. How can that sort of lifestyle not be appealing ?! We see that type of thing as all part of the deal with tennis yet how many players can boast enough earning capacity to fund a lifestyle that could only be likened to that of a Mexican Drug cartel ?
I was a victim of a dream that could only be described as fanciful, a dream that was never going to become a reality because of the ridiculously tough nature of it. I put my parents through years of torment not only during tennis but after it ceased. What does a washed up tennis junkie do after he realizes that his game is not good enough ? Coach ? It's what many do yet I was wary of coaching for many reasons but the main concern was that I would never see the World outside of a tennis court.
Teaching tennis to me was an obvious choice after a failed playing career but that was almost too easy, I wanted to do something away from tennis yet I did not own a qualification to warrant me even applying for anything.
The World outside of tennis can for some be rather daunting, it certainly was for me.
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